Was it all a Dream?

Sometimes it takes ages for me to fall asleep, but I very seldom dream. But one night I did have a dream. I was in the bathroom when I heard someone trying to open the front door and then the door flew open and in came three policemen. They said something but I wasn't wearing my hearing aids. I pointed to my ears and they allowed me to get them. They then said, get ready you are coming with us. I said, “Why?” They replied, “You know very well why.”

I got dressed wondering what was wrong. By this time all the tenants in the apartment were watching. One of the officers had been searching the flat. He said, he found nothing but it needed to be searched more thoroughly.

They took me to the police station, and then I had my fingerprints taken and was put into a cell. I was taken out again to verify all my particulars then put in a cell until the morning. I tried to reason why I was there. I could only think that I must have done something wrong but I just couldn't think what it was. I lay on the bunk and tried to go to sleep. I was pleased to see a bucket, my weak bladder needed one. If I was to be kept there, I would have to have all my medication.

Somehow I must have got some sleep, because they woke me and took me to the bathroom where I managed to clean up and soon after I was given breakfast. I had no Idea what was going to happen next but a little later I was taken to the Magistrates Court. It seemed to me that they wanted to avoid publicity because it was a closed court without reporters. There were three Magistrates. I had to give them all the particulars they already had in case I had changed my identity overnight. I was then charged with planning to kill the Prime Minister. Did I plead guilty or innocent? I said, “I don't know, but if the police think I'm guilty it must be so. My plea is guilty.” I was then asked if I wanted an attorney. I said I didn't think so, “If I am guilty why do I need a lawyer?” I saw them huddling up and whispering but managed to hear “95”. The Chief Magistrate said, “We have decided that you must appear before a judge.”

I was taken to prison. Although I had a cell of my own I mixed with other prisoners for meals. I couldn't do the walking exercises but I did my own. Somehow the prisoners discovered what I was charged with. I became a hero. They wanted to know how I intended to kill him. I was bemused - I didn't even know him. But one of the prisoners produced a newspaper. The headlines on the front page were, ‘Plot to assassinate the Prime Minister’. I went back to my bunk and lay down to think. I racked my brains. I had never met him. I didn't know him. The only time I had seen him was on television. I read that he had been to Eton and liked cricket, so he could play the game.

The prisoners were still pestering me about assassinations. I was fed up with them. I managed to find a stick and took walks on my own. It was time for my trial and I was brought before a judge. I was a bit scared but he allayed all my fears. No judge could be nicer. When he heard of my hearing problem he let me sit close to him. This court was very open and packed with reporters and cartoonists. The judge made a statement before starting the proceedings. He apologised to the court on behalf of his friend Judge Jeffries, who was unable to be appointed judge for the day because he had had an unfortunate accident. “He has sprained his thumb and he can't even hold a club to play golf. Luckily he will be able to claim £1,000,000 to go on a cruise for a while.”

“Now let's see, what this I hear about refusing an attorney to represent you?” I said that I didn't think I needed one. He said, “What rubbish!” He wanted me to have the best attorney he could think of, it was my human right, and he knew the man. The judge happened to be a human rights advocate. He said, “The human rights lawyers always do everything they can do to help their client even if the client is guilty. They are worth every penny even some of them are millionaires, It would be nice to see the human rights lawyers on both sides of the case, There's nothing like human rights.” The judge spoke so much that the trial had to be adjourned for another date also to arrange a human rights lawyer.

The judge was sorry that I had to go back to prison, because I didn't have any security to give me bail. I told him not to worry; I was being looked after very well. I made friends with the prisoners. I got regular meals and had all my medical requirements. He replied, “Take care and I will have a word with the prison governor.”

When I got back the prisoners were still happy to see me even the worst criminals. I told them how nice the Judge was. They said, “Don't believe it, there's no such thing as a nice Judge. I couldn't convince them so I said, “I speak as I find.”

News around the world about the trial had simmered down and the journalists were just speculating. Life in prison ever changes. I learned how they spent their time doing various things. Some had little jobs, some watched tv all day. I talked to some that talked about their families. That pleased them so I was content.

I was lying on the bed one morning reading the newspaper, when the headline shook me. It read, ‘Pensioners pay is to be hit once again.’ My head went into a whirl. I shouted, “That's it, that's it!” The prisoner in the cell next to mine called out, “What's the matter?” Others carne and asked me what was wrong. I said, “Don't you see, that's why am here. That's why I am accused of planning to kill the Prime Minister! Some time ago I read in the paper that the Government and the Prime Minster hated us pensioners so much that they intended to kill us all through worry and financial problems shortening our lives. I was so upset at the time that I said the Prime Minister needs to be killed first. Someone of authority must have heard me and reported it.”

But it all took its toll on me, I felt ill. All the prisoners felt sorry for me and came to see me. The wardens and a nurse attended me bringing me fruit and chocolate. Even the Governor popped in.

As I began to feel better, I remembered that I was said to have had an accomplice. I couldn't think of anyone. Also how was I going to assassinate the Prime Minster? I had no weapons and no idea where to get them. I was getting more and more confused. The doctor came and after examining me said I needed peace and quiet, as my trial was due soon.

On the day of the trial, there was a thunderstorm. It had been raining for several days. I was taken by car not by van, to the court. We all took our places. The court was packed, and the rain seeped through in various parts of the court. I was introduced to my human rights attorney, the judge entered and soon the proceedings began. The prosecutor got up and began to speak. Suddenly the judge jumped up and said, “I'm getting soaking wet.” The roof above him was leaking and the rain was dripping through just where he was sitting, he was furious. He said to the administrator, “What have you done about this?” The administrator replied that they had tried to get a plumber but they were all too busy. He asked about the Water Board. He was told that they had no one available. The judge muttered, “I suppose they are too busy counting their profits.” The administrator told him that it would be fixed in two days. His father-in-law was a retired plumber, you can depend on the old workmen.

The leaks were fixed and the trial began once more with the usual procedure and asking what do I plead. I replied that I did plead guilty but now am not sure. The judge called the prosecutor and my lawyer into his chamber for a discussion. When they came back, he said, “It is time for lunch so we will adjourn.” The newspapers were losing their interest; it was all becoming yesterday's news.

As the judge was leaving, I called out to him for a joke, “What are you having for lunch, Judge?” He said, “Fish, I like cod.” I told him that it was difficult to get cod. There was some decree from the European Union that England must not catch cod in order to save the species, so the fishermen were to refrain from catching them by the orders of the fishing Ministry. Most of the fish was caught by nets. The fishermen had no way of communicating with cod fish to ask them to be sure that they are not netted. So they had to haul them in together with all the other fish. By the time they were sorted and thrown back into the sea, they were all dead. Their little bodies sank to the bottom and rotted. How they were going to breed is not known. However, the French seemed to find a way of catching cod just to eat and made it more profitable to the loss of English and Scottish fisherman. I called out to the Judge that we are short of cod. He said, “Yes I know. I am going to a French restaurant.”

The trial continued after lunch and after much discussion it was decided that I was not fit to plead and I should be examined by a psychiatrist. The trial was postponed until they received the doctor's report. I was taken back to prison but now the novelty had worn off. The prisoners acknowledged me but they lost the interest they had at first and hardly talked to me. I stayed in my cell reading most of the time.

There was no retrial. I was brought before the Judge and shown the doctor's report. It said that I was suffering with an illness called Narcissists Personality Disorder. I asked them what it meant. They explained that my brain becomes a little mad sometimes but not all the time. Because the discovery was so new they knew very little about it. The judge said as far as the report indicted, I was not completely mad but I was affected sometimes and it could be brought on anytime the brain is stressed. But I would have to stay in a prison hospital that has mental patients. How nice! I was taken to my new abode worried to death about my mental disability. When I got there I was very surprised. I had expected a drab and dismal place but it was nice and bright and even welcoming. I was greeted with warmth and courtesy and put into a nice bedroom with an adjoining bathroom.

I was made to feel comfortable and all my luggage was installed in the storeroom until it was sorted out. All my particulars were typed out and put into a file. Then I was taken to a surgery the doctor came to see me and examined me, and checked my medical records. After the examination he said very little except to tell me that he didn't like my hernia but I was too old for surgery and I had to live with it for the rest of my life. When it slips out, I was to push it in again, which is very often even with a truss and it can be quite a painful. Later I had a light supper and got ready for bed. The male nurse gave me a bath. It was my first for ages. I wasn't able to get in or out so I used to wash myself from head to toe sitting and standing. The male nurse was called Brian. He was very experienced and knew exactly what was needed for me and helped. It really made a big difference and was pleasurable.

The next morning a female nurse came to wake me at 6.30 but I was already up. I was used to getting up at six. She asked if I needed any help. I said, no I could manage and I explained that my doctor told me to do as much as possible to stop me becoming helpless. She said fine but if I wanted anything urgently, pull on the bell. Breakfast was at 8.30. When I was ready I went into the lounge and saw some other inmates. They all had various degrees of mental problems. Some responded when I nodded and others ignored me. I noticed some newspapers and books lying about. I picked something to read as I sat on the settee. Breakfast was fine. I read a little more then walked around, to acquaint myself with the place.

After lunch I went into the garden and was happy to see how well kept it was. I learned that besides a professional gardener the inmates helped. I wished that I was able to help, but I am unable. At supper I noticed a man sitting near me. He did not appear to be an inmate but he was. He seemed to be very much alert to me. I said, “Good evening.” He looked at me and replied, “Good evening.” Those two words and his expressive face indicated a well-spoken and educated man. I thought that I might have a conversation with him. He seemed friendly. I told him that I had only arrived the day before and I was new here. He said, he knew that and it was why he was sitting so close to me.

I didn't ask him any personal questions but he knew some things about me that the male nurse, Brian, had told him. He said that he was in charge of the library and he would be happy to provide me with some books or any information I was seeking. He said come any time when he was there. I thanked him and said I would be there the next day. I went and saw him writing at a desk as I approached. I asked if I was disturbing him. He said that he would be with me in five minutes. I was looking to see what books were on display when he asked me if there was any book I wanted. I said, “Not at the moment.” He asked me to sit down by his desk. He said, “I suppose you are pondering on what kind of person I am and what I am doing here?” I said, “Yes I am curious.” He seemed to be pleased to tell me about himself. He told me that he was a scientist and had become a professor when he taught at university. He could see I was astounded.

He said, “You must be wondering what I am doing here. I'll explain as we go along. If a scientist is also a mathematician it's very helpful. I am a scientist who believes in absolute proving fact and not supposition just based on theory. We know that one and one makes two. That's a fact and can't be refuted but if you have a thousand people and examine their eyes and find the majority have blue eyes and then conclude that the majority of the whole world population have blue eyes, that's supposition. If you check the entire population of fifty million or so and the majority have blue eyes, that's a fact. That's undeniable.

Even if things sometimes happen and it's believed to be caused for some reason that may not be right, because the same thing happened at an earlier time for another reason. Some scientists have been wrong after claiming a new discovery. Planet earth is in a galaxy, the galaxy is in the universe. Something could occur in the universe that can destroy everything on Earth. It's happened and can happen again. Lesser things than total destruction happened often during the billions of years.

With the latest technology - with telescopes, microscopes, calculators, etc. scientists can explain and even forecast some future event, but we won't be alive to witness it. The universe is so large and the molecule so infinitesimally small that the slightest movement can make huge difference. From the beginning of life, evolution has developed and destroyed. As far as is known life does not exist anywhere else, but it's possible that life may have existed. On Earth, as everyone knows, the human brain is the greatest development and is still developing. But the brain is used for bad as well as good. The development of all creatures was fashioned over millions of years by their environment. It is amazing how blind born creatures learn how to live or deaf creatures overcame their handicap. Or how some creatures have wonderful senses of smell, or hearing, or vision, or plants and trees grow. It all had to do with genes and molecules, then again, why did fire break out and destroy it all and start all over again. 

Why do ants and other insects march and kill other similar ants. Most other animals and birds kill mainly to eat. The males may kill each other for sex. Creatures are born different from their parents. Again it's to do with the genes. When the earliest men developed they lived in groups mostly in caves for shelter. Why couldn't they live together and help each other instead of the more powerful group attack the other, killing the males for food and keeping the women for sex or slaves?

As the brain became more developed man’s aptitude increased and he learned to use wood and straw, later fire and the wheel, but they still killed the other groups. Among the groups there were men with more intelligence than the others and they would use it to their advantage. The groups were all scared of some of the natural phenomena and the intelligent one would use it to his advantage. He would tell them to pray to the sun or moon to save them. They believed him and accepted every word with fear He became their witch doctor. Other groups did the same, but they might believe in the stars or even some animal. Later idols were built for them to worship.

At this point the professor said it was time for lunch and we would continue after. I went away thinking of what he said. Almost everything was common knowledge, but somehow it sounded as though it was leading up to something. After lunch, he had to attend to some inmates and provide them with books and do a little writing.

When he returned he continued to talk about the groups. As the population grew the groups got together and became little countries. The leaders worked a team and made everyone do what they wanted. If they refused they were killed. Men were turned into soldiers and women were used for sexual desires, with the leaders each having their own harems. Weapons had improved and the leaders became confident in attacking other little countries. If they were successful they claimed the land and everything in it. People were killed like flies without giving it a thought - men taken as salves, women for sex. These little wars went on for thousands of years. The only difference was the development of weapons to kill men more easily. Also they used the worship of different Gods.

As so-called civilisation increased man's brain was developing and some became philosophers, doctors, artists and scientists. Yet the desire for the leaders was to obtain more land and reap more wealth. They started giving themselves new names calling themselves King and Queen, Prince and Princess. 

War never stopped. Leaders always wanted more land and wealth no matter how people suffered. War, torture, anything that got in their way was obliterated. Weapons continued to improve to kill more. Arms became one of the greatest needs and the manufacturers became richer and richer.

For many years the big wars took place in Eastern Europe and as successful countries swallowed up others they called themselves empires. During this time another phenomenon happened. A man by the name of Abraham had a vision of speaking to God and because of his faith in preventing him sacrificing his son a new religion began with one unseen God. This became accepted in many forms by hundreds of millions throughout the world.

But the counties who believed in their own sect would go war go to war with a different sect trying to obtain the sacred land. Over years of killing and torture and changing hands it still goes on.

Some smaller countries in Western Europe, who themselves were invaded and ruled by others, suddenly built strong navies and armies, and started to invade other countries not just for religion but for financial reasons. They overcame weak oppositions and became empires by killing and torturing. Fighting still went on and arms manufactures were always ready with better weapons.

As the population of countries increases so does the number of brilliant people even to the status of genius. It's all a matter of how the genes affect the brain. But the gene that makes a genius is usually confined to one or two subjects, even a mixture of genius and some kind of illnesses like autism.

Invention and ideas have come so rapidly that changes are made almost monthly. But there's no stopping man's inhumanity to man. Wars continue even after the war to end wars. Is it impossible for genes to create more good, than greed and peace?

The professor was about to leave for two days on a lecture tour. He gave me a book to read about Ernest Rutherford, the New Zealand physicist who split the atom, which was always considered the tiniest particle. I was sitting in the garden where I found a mutual friend. He was an ex boxer. He was in prison for murder, but he was suffering from a boxer's complaint known as punch drunkenness. It is caused by boxing too much and being hurt too often. I was able to converse with him and help him have a pleasurable hour or so.

The professor returned and continued his interesting considerations. I, like most people, already knew much of what he said but he was able to get me to understand more clearly. 

As soon as the Great War to end all wars ended, new wars began, not as big as the Great War, but big enough for more killing. Another organisation to stop wars was set up called the United Nations. It was controlled by the most powerful countries that voted for anything that affected their own interests.

And then came the war that put the Great War in the shade, A half crazed dictator and his cronies, backed by arms manufactures and some wealthy men and even some scientists, managed to control his country and nearly all of the citizens. He got them to believe that they were the best in the world and should rule the world, as long as he remained dictator, and steal all the valuables of anyone.

His greatest asset was to inspire hatred. He had children taught to love him and believe all the lies their propaganda could install. Anything or anybody he didn't like was destroyed in the most despicable ways. He had millions slaughtered, even some of his earlier friends. Of all the tyrants in the world's history he was probably the worst. Yet to some people he is a hero.

With help of his allies he injured so many millions of people that it is impossible to know. In spite of his eventual defeat it took two atom bombs to force his greatest ally to surrender.

There was barely a pause when wars continued. They were nothing like the greater-than-great war, but killing and massacres continued. The manufacture of arms must go on. What is wrong with mankind, do they love killing so much? Or is it some compulsion?

The greed for money knows no barriers. The growers of tobacco and manufacturers of cigarettes know its effects can kill. The government know it can cause cancer. But it makes money. Never mind the cost of treatment to the sufferers.

Stealing had always been a way of making money and the use of weapons, especially by gangs is a popular way of obtaining money or valuables. Why is it so easy for them to buy small arms and keep the arms dealers busy?

Why is it so easy for all kinds of people to cheat? Now probably the worst cause of death and harmfulness is drugs. The drug manufacturers and dealers are in fact accessories to murder or harm. They know what is likely to happen especially to children but they have not the slightest compunction, all for the sake of money.

The discovery of oil, mostly in the lands of a few countries, has altered the economic situation of the world. They have grown so rich and powerful that they can control the prices as it suits them and keep the arms manufactures busy to defend their wealth, as well as to dictate to others.

Some animals are killed and used as food but some animals are killed just for making money. Anything for money! Is it the brain that makes mankind so greedy? What causes the genes to produce men and women and animals to behave so pettishly in their desire for sex, even to kill? Will scientists ever discover which gene does what? They are on the way with some genes but there are billions.

Meanwhile wars are still being fought, but it's not called war. They are attacks made in the name of god. Two sects from the same religion are fighting each other. But which is god's favourite? They will kill each other until there's none left. To the benefit of the arms manufacturers, terrible weapons are used. Now with oil money, scientists have built the most effective bombs ever produced. They know what the atom bomb caused. But the H. bomb is so much more dangerous - it could rebound on the operator and cause untold destruction. Perhaps, in the development of evolution over billions of years and different forms of life that have come and gone, it's mankind's time to disappear and something else will evolve. If we are to stay alive scientists must destroy all the bombs and equipment to make bombs. That can only happen if all countries agree, which seems to be unlikely. Meanwhile life goes on and so do the killings.

Doctors and scientists from all over the world keep researching, trying to find cures for every type of illness and they are making good progress. What seemed to be an excellent idea was for all the European countries to get together to make sure there are no more wars in Europe and also to help each other. At last some countries came to their senses. They decided to call it the European Union. They decided where the headquarters would be and built the premises there. Estimates were made and money produced by the participating countries. Like most projects it was more expensive than expected. It seemed that whatever project they had in mind was always underfunded and more money was needed. All the delegates were elected by their own country to represent them. But many officials were appointed without any election.

But yet again the leaders in charge were always making sure that their own country got the best deal. They appointed a team of judges that could overrule courts in other countries. Then they arranged all kinds of projects which they thought would be helpful and although some countries objected to some project they had to concede. The EU grew and those in charge needed help which they got from family or friends. Everyone was being paid and all expenses were well taken care of. One of the important projects was human rights. Soon another building was needed in another nearby country.

Some farmers were helped in some countries, not in some others. Much was wasted according to their logic, which could have helped countries needing it. As time went by the President and Vice President were becoming too important and were always trying to impose their silly ideas on other countries. Many member countries have financial problems and the EU is in difficulties. No one is sure if it can continue much longer. Meanwhile they even are interfering with the English pensions fund and several other stupid ideas like allowing any European access to England and the freedom to seek work or even get paid allowances. The English people are sick to death of paying good money and being treated badly. The politicians think it is worth keeping in with them for the benefit of trade.

Charity is an excellent help if used as it is meant to be, but it is so often abused that it often requires careful observation. What kind of gene prompts a person to steal from the infirm, the starving and the aged?

All the people who believe in saving the world from global warming are certain that by restricting carbon dioxide contaminating the world's atmosphere they will save it. In order to do so they have used millions of pounds and spoiled many sites by putting useless wind-mills and other devices and they still agitate for more money which pays some of these people very well. Some scientists disapprove of their theories but they are a minority and considered to be a nuisance. All kinds of taxes are imposed to finance the schemes.

It is at this point that the professor explained how he became a prisoner in hospital. He was very outspoken in opposing the Green Party and one day he was physically attacked He retaliated and gave the attacker a black eye and a bloody nose. The Police came and arrested him for attempted murder. He knew who was behind the charge and the power they had to quiet him. He was found guilty but his attorney pleaded insanity and the doctor found he had Narcissistic Personality Disorder,  the same as me, so he was taken to the prison hospital but he was treated differently from anyone else

I said that I was sorry for the frame up. He laughed as he said that it sounded strange, but he liked it there. They had created a situation they never intended. He was well cared for and could do almost anything he wanted. He said that we had discussed the world and evolution and what men do to each other and the hurt they cause. But do we ever look into our own lives and realise how much we have hurt others without a thought, even without any intention. While we were talking a policeman came in. He took me and drove me to the court and the judge's chambers. My friend the judge he shook hands and smiling asked me how I was.

He said, “There's been a terrible mistake. You are entirely innocent and you can go home.” It was a shock to me but I said that I wasn't sure if I wanted to go home. I said that I liked it where I was and I have very good friends there. He replied, “Don't be silly, we can't keep an innocent person in prison.” The Judge said that he would he would make sure I would be paid very well for compensation. I said I didn't want money, could I stay in the hospital instead. He said it was out of the question. He would get his friend to represent my human rights. I repeated that I didn't want any money. He said, “You must have it so my friend can also be paid. Besides, everything must be done in secret. Your name was used in a big hoax.” “The secret service hacked into an unfriendly station, which knew they were being hacked. They deliberately made up the whole story about the prime minister being threatened. The whole business must be hushed up to prevent the secret service being made fools of.”

I asked why they used my name. He said by pure accident, they found a name from one of the companies telling you that you won lots of money that you would never get. I said if I took money it would mean pensioners would be taxed more to pay for it. I would go home and tell everyone that there had been a mistake with someone with a similar name and I had been well treated. The Judge said he was disappointed with me.

I heard some noise and was being pushed. I opened my eyes. “Wake up, wake up!” I had been dreaming. But from the whole dream I was bothered by the phantom professor's last words - “Look into yourself and you find how people you know can be hurt.”

First, I looked at my marriage. I fell in love with a beautiful girl and somehow she fell in love with me. But there was a difference. She was a fine dancer and loved music and mixing with others like her, having a drink or two and she was full of life, loved nice clothes, hair styles and make up. That was her mode of living just like most girls. I was so different. I was the serious one, liking literature classic music and sport and I couldn't dance, even when I tried to learn. Because of the war we couldn't live a normal life, but soon after we could have done. Luckily she was close to her sister and there were times we mixed with her friends who enjoyed the same things that my wife did. But I was gradually pulling her away from her pleasure, to join me in my ways. She could not have been happy, but never showed it especially as we had a son. 

I took her to plays and shows, to opera and concerts and ballet. I am sure now she would have preferred the jazz singers. When I started touring, she sat at home with our son but as he grew he was out most evenings until he was married, so she was completely alone. Although I called her every night, she must have been terribly lonely. Why I was I so stupid not to have realised.

When I retired, she was already in a bad way physically, but at least I was home. Then came the time she had to stay in the care home and I was visiting her daily and staying eight or nine hours and I were becoming demented by the behaviour of the inmates. My arrangements with transport were to leave an hour or so before she was taken up to bed. Every evening before she became past understanding, she would plead me to stay with her a little longer, I had to say transport is here. Why the hell didn't I arrange to stay with her, even help put her to bed so she could have a little more pleasure of my company? What difference did it make to me compared what it made to her? Why am I so stupid?

Why when my father died and mother was alone, didn't I go and see her more often? I hurt the people I loved best. But I am paying for it now every time I think of it which is almost daily - in spite of fifty testimonials, for efficiency from, great and intellectual people.